WWL-TV Topic
October 28, 2008
All people have the need to feel like they “belong,” and friendships help provide that sense of belonging. Making and keeping friends is a skill children can begin to learn in the preschool years.
Here are some ways parents can help kids take social ups and downs in stride and maintain lasting friendships:
Establish expectations of how you treat others.
Learning how to make friends and how to be kind is a process. Parents should set limits on behavior and follow through when those limits are exceeded. Be clear how you treat family, friends, people and property. Common courtesy and good manners are important qualities in social interactions.
Practice social skills at home.
Every day parents have the opportunity to enhance their child’s social skills through the following experiences: playing games so a child can learn to be “a good sport”; learning to take turns with toys with their siblings; resolving conflicts through problem-solving; using humor to help a child look at the funny side of things; and learning to cope when frustration inevitably occurs. Role-play with your child to help them think about how to approach a group or potential new friend. Talk to your child about using icebreakers to approach others, such as “That’s a great drawing you did. Could you show me some of your other ones?” Talk to your child about how to be a good listener and show an interest in others.
Provide supervised opportunities for unstructured play.
Parental supervision of play is important, particularly in the early years. By being nearby and listening to how your child communicates and solves problems with a playmate, a parent can intervene when necessary, or later privately discuss with their child what problems came up and what can be done to solve them next time.
While parents do want to let kids handle some conflicts on their own, an adult might still be necessary to discourage “meanness” and to encourage consideration of others. Also, an available parent can set limits on how much time is spent on electronics (particularly video and computer games), and instead encourage kids to choose different kinds of play that focus more on interaction.
Listen and acknowledge your child’s feelings about friendships.
When your child comes to you with a concern about a friend, try to respond with empathy and support, rather than being dismissive.
Help keep problems in perspective.
Sometimes a conflict between children may escalate into a child being bullied, in which case a parent may need to involve the school. However, it’s very normal for children in the early years of elementary school to change friends frequently, and learn how to disagree, argue, and make up. Even children with good social skills will experience rejection occasionally. Offer support and opportunities to develop relationships with children with similar interests.
- Lisa Phillips
For more information call The Parenting Center at Children’s Hospital, (504) 896-9591.